By Caroline Courey, special to The Naked Monk
Like everyone, I sometimes find myself in situations so difficult that I don’t want to admit they’re ‘situations.’ You can’t face your fears without admitting that you have to do something about them, and that shuts us all down from time to time.
The hardest thing I ever had to face was my diagnosis with multiple sclerosis. All of a sudden my rosy future seemed so bleak. I wondered how I’d continue to be productive as a wife and mother, how I’d continue working and hold my head up. I was profoundly scared and ashamed of becoming a burden, especially on my husband. Although I had to deal with attacks from which I generally recovered, and was still productive, I found myself too often dwelling on my horrible future. It was a dark cloud over my head. With every attack I felt more helpless, closer to becoming an invalid.
I entered a support group, then formed a local support group and found myself on a quest that guided me with tremendous focus. I found the courage to face my situation head-on, and began to see the other side of the picture. I was still walking, I could still think, I could go to school, and did. I wrote my book Crossed Signals (a novel about MS in the family) and presented it in high-school classrooms along with a workbook. This all gave me purpose, direction, focus. I even decided to embark upon a new career in pursuit of a new, long-term foundation.
I began to feel very fortunate.
Through founding and building Quiet Mind Seminars with my husband, and through my own training as a personal life coach, I learned to face the reality of my fears on a daily basis. I recognized how I tended to project my version of the future into the present as if it were a reality. It wasn’t, but this is a normal tendency. It seems easier to resist reality than to face it, but the cost is high: to be trapped by it and see only the nightmare, not the hope. There’s more to facing reality than just the words. Being aware of my body and my anxiety is just the beginning. To embrace all the good, I have to embrace the bad too, with all my strength and all my heart.
I’m twenty years into that diagnosis now, and my prognosis has changed from on-again, off-again relapse-remission MS to secondary progressive MS — a steady decline. I’ve learned to revisit my anxiety every day, especially when my hands don’t work, my muscles are stiff, legs give way or any number of symptoms happen to appear. Facing my fears means facing a constantly changing reality. This is my lot. I can let it stop me, as it does so many, or I can move on. Every day, I choose to move on. With every step forward I gather momentum. Even as my body fails me, my mind grows stronger; my appreciation for the opportunity to understand and help others grows deeper.
Through my experience teaching people with chronic disease at the MUHC, through coaching my clients through transformation, I learned that life is always a challenge, always a mystery, never predictable. Sure, I have a serious problem. Who doesn’t, sooner or later?
Coaching is not about rah-rah; it’s about getting the support you need to face things that otherwise seem unfaceable. I’m immensely grateful for the support I’ve received from my family — not just sympathy but challenge and wisdom. Nothing makes me happier — and stronger — than to give that same support to my coaching clients.
Caroline Courey is founder of New Way Life Coaching and co-founder of Quiet Mind Seminars. Visit her website at www.courey.com.
9 thoughts on “Facing Our Fears”
I think you are very brave; facing our suffering and pain in life and dealing with it in a healthy manner, rather than running away, is the biggest challenge in life…
Thanks Caroline for expressing your truth so simply and eloquently. As I read your words, I think resilient, real, sometimes raw and emotional and always touching and full of love. Your illness has opened a window of compassion for the suffering of others and through your determination, intellect and open heart, you are making a difference.
One of my favorite lines – attributed to Einstein – is ‘Nothing happens till something moves.’ Well, something big moved in your life and you made many things happen. Bravo.
Thank you for sharing Caroline. You and your have touched my life without you both even knowing.
I believe that life puts challenges in our way so we may continue learning.
Take care and cheers.
Hello Coach Caroline,
MS like Chronic Pain by it’s very nature is unpredictable; nothing is certain. I’ll meet you at the crossroads, it’s all blues. It’s all about feelings and emotions, finding the balance. There’s no life without pain.
When you are told you have an incurable disease only YOU can make it right. Each day you start where you are, use what you have and do what you can. Doors close, but windows open. The one thing we share is the air we breathe, because that’s where the energy is. It’s all blues to me, the bluest of skies, because of the air we breathe.
a Warrior (los heusos)
I really appreciate your direct style
Thank you for your sharing your personal experiences with multiple sclerosis.
You mentioned writing a book, Crossed Signals – could you provide a link or information on where it is available?
I look forward to more posts!
Thanks Alison, you can read about Crossed Signals on my web site at http://www.courey.com and purchase it here. It’s also available from amazon.com.
thanks to all for sharing their comments. it’s so nice to receive feedback, feel connected….
Thanks for the inspiring comments, they came at an excellent time.
I am currently approaching the 10th year of my journey with MS.
I will admit with symptoms showing their ugly head in recent months it’s easy to once again begin feeling isolated and alone, regardless of the numbers around me.
Your story again re-inspires me to continue that march.